* jazzyhands *

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I have got two interviews this week, proper interview with actual companies not just agency interviews. One is for a full-time permanent job doing mostly admin, the other is a part time programming job. I am swaying more toward the programming job but it is only one day a week and doesn't pay incredibly well. It would give me more time to spend on other projects though (yeah, right ... since I am not working at all now and spend zero hours on said projects) and it would be cash coming in. I guess I don't even need to start thinking about these things until I am offered one or more of these jobs.

I am so glad I did the incredibly time-consuming exercise of writing out my skills summary last week (see below). Not only have I now got an interview but it has reinforced my decision to quit my job. See, every time I have a bill come in or have to stay at home when my friends are going out or some horrendous unexpected expense smashes me around the head I feel like it is fate punishing me for being audaious enough to quit a perfectly good job.

I don't know where I get this attitude from, everyone I know has been so supportive ... my mum thinks it is the best thing I could have done (she actually told me that I would never get well while I was working there because it was the job making me sick and I think she has a point), my friends all remind me how miserable I was ... I guess it is some kind of normally latent work ethic rearing its head. So anyway, my point is that I have had this strong undercurrent of guilt for the last two months.

Then, when I was writing my skill summary, I went onto the company web site to remind myself of past projects. It also reminded me of how many serious revenue-generating products I was involved in developing. But did anyone mention that when I worked there? I think not. Did I get any credit, any thanks? Well maybe some miserable little crumbs of thanks, but thanks don't pay the bills. I can't walk into a shoe shop and offer up thanks instead of money for a pair of funky little kitten heels with marabou trim now can I? And those crumbs of thanks were far outweighed by the massive pile of petty criticisms that pecked at me everyday like a flock of angry crows.

So yeah, now I am angry and self-righteous. That is a good thing. I want a job where my (abundant) good qualities are appreciated instead of being a bit player in someone else's pscho-drama.

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