* jazzyhands *

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A big huge self-pitying whinge. Be warned.

I was chatting to my sister last night and she said all she wanted was someone to tell her that her life isn't always going to suck this much. I told her that's all I wanted too but, based on past experience it aint gonna happen.

Sometimes I think I was born under the star sign Suckittarigus, in the year of The Sucking. Once I believed that my life was going to get better. Things would change, if I had the right job, the right home, the right hair. But they don't.

Sometimes I feel like I have been tucked away in a little corner, a dark and shabby corner, while the rest of the world gets to sparkle and shine. I am jumping up and down, saying notice me too but the only time anyone ever notices me is to tell me to shut up.

A few months ago I thought that the only things I wanted in life to make me happy was to be well and to have a job or some kind of steady income. Now I have that, kinda, but it makes no difference. You either are happy or you aren't and no external thing in your life is going to make a difference.

Cheery little poppet today, aren't I?

Sometimes I think I should see someone to help me deal with things, a psychologist or something. At times I think that I don't really have any major problems but other times I think there is a whole Pandora's Box of issues that I don't even want to start to deal with. Most of the time I don't even think about those issues though. I just ignore them, smile and try to be positive. I don't know if I even want to start dealing with them. The other thing is finding the right person. A friend of mine went to a pyschologist for a while and he told her that her problems were "all in her head". I told her that I would have said, "obviously, if they were in my arse that would make you a proctologist." But, of course, I would not have thought to say that if I was actually there.

Maybe I just need more sleep.

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