* jazzyhands *

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::23.9.03:: Today...

Yesterday I went for an interview for yet another job. I thought I really shone.

Today I rang the agency to let them know how things went. I told the agent I thought I did well. He let me go on for a while then told me that the company had gotten back to him already. They "really liked me" but it was between me and another person and the other person had slightly better...

I have heard this so many times. I hung up the phone, feeling really upset, and burst into tears. I have been working on a temp assignment so went into the toilet and just couldn't stop crying. I went to lunch and couldn't stop crying. I came back to work, cleaned myself up and told them I had to go home because I had a migraine. I figured it was better for them to think I was sick than an emotional wreck.

Thing is, I never cry about anything. But today it just hit me so hard. The agent told me it was nothing personal, but how can I not take it personally. They said the other person was a better "cultural fit". What the hell does that mean? I'm too old? Too female? Had the wrong haircut?

Of course, there were other factors that contributed to this outburst. Having an unusually high hit of hormones in my body, men troubles, internet withdrawals from yet another mystery adsl connection problem plus another week in a mind numbing job that barely makes a dent in the pile of bills that are drowning me.

Then I got home to find that the very same company that knocked me back for the job had not even looked at fixing my adsl connection. I was rather annoyed with the smarmy little call centre kid reading his script. You could say I ripped him a new arsehole. I would have felt bad if he hadn't been just too santimonious for words.

I just don't know where to go from here. I don't even want to apply for more jobs -- the effort of writing applications, attending interviews, waiting and hoping then getting trampled down again seems too much to deal with at the moment.

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