I went out Sunday night and drank far, far too much. I spent yesterday in that state of guilty remorse, where all I wanted to do was climb into bed, pull the doona over my head and shut out the entire world.
Without going into the gory details, I was out with a guy I met online. I have known him for over a month, mostly chatting online but also met up a couple of times. Before Sunday night we got on so well, not in a potential relationship kind of way, more as friends that flirt a little.
We ended up NOT getting on so well. I blamed myself for this, getting drunker than I intended (much drunker). He didn't help - talking other women in a way that made me feel he was comparing them to me and not favourably.
I reacted, in my inebriated state, by becoming more clinging and demanding. Something that I am not proud of. Of course he responded by pushing me away, which made me worse.
My state of mind wasn't helped by the guy sitting at our table. We had been chatting to him early, I had gone off somewhere and came back to the table to have a cigarette. He reacted as though I had pulled out a syringe and was about to shoot up smack -- yelling in face and telling me I was an unfit mother among other things.
This guy was a stranger. He was sitting at our table. The club was almost empty so he could have moved to about 10 other smoke-free tables. Instead he sat there and abused me.
I am annoyed at myself for both incidents, for being wimpy and approval seeking instead of standing up for myself or walking away.