If you saw my front yard you would have to agree that I have the teensiest patch of lawn. But, let me tell you, when you are down on your hands and knees cutting that sucker with a pair of secaturs, it is as big as the frigging MCG.
And why am I on my hands and knees cutting the grass in this fashion? Not because I am bored shitless and impersonating a goat or anything quite so amusing. No, truth be told, the grass needs cutting before the weekend by order of the landlord and I don't have a spare cent to spend on gardening follk.
Now there are a few points to be considered here.
1. The landlords noticed my overgrown lawn when they were driving past my house. I live in a dead end street... there is no driving past. Those rectum-dwellers have been spying on me. Who knows how often they park in my street lurking around, waiting for the grass to grow.
2. When I use the words "grass" and "lawn" I use them extremely loosely. What I mean is green, stalky shit growing in the garden. I have a perfectly good push mower that cuts lawn beautifully. Real lawn. Not stalky shit. Stalky shit gets caught up around the blades and tangled so that you spend 1 minute mowing, 10 minutes untangling...lather, rinse, repeat.
3. Do you know it costs $70 to hire a brushcutter for 4 hours (minimum hire).
4. Why the frigging hell do people have lawn anyway? What's wrong with a nice, low maintenaince ground cover or a cottage garden?
5. Oh yeah. Nearly forgot. The last time the lawns got unruly the landlord came around and cut them. He gave the impression that he would be doing that in future which is why I haven't bothered doing anything up to now.
Well I have wasted enough time whinging. Got to wrap my blistered covered stumps back around the secaturs and get back to it.
