* jazzyhands *

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::8.5.04:: old loves

I don't know if certain stars are in line or if it a winter nesting urge, but it seems lately old loves and old lovers keep coming back into my life.

Man #1: the man from last Saturday night. We saw each other a few times late last year then I called things off. He pushied me too hard to do things I didn't want to do. Recently he got back in touch with me. He has changed but, in many ways, is still the same. I feel unsure of him. He eludes me, the essence of him. When I try to read him I feel like I hit a stone wall. There is something in him that both entices and repulses me.

Man #2: we met just before Christmas and went out for drinks. I ran away from him. He apologised, said he drank too much the night we met because he was so nervous and would I give him another chance. We are going out to dinner tonight.

Man #3: the bastard, the subject of many man-hating rants. Last I heard, he said we would chat "real soon". That was two months ago. He was online last night. He wanted to talk. I was going to ignore him but decided that I didn't want him to think that he had upset me or that I cared in any way. I was curt. I answered his questions but didn't offer any information or ask him anything about himself.

Man #4: we met, drank too much, spend the night together. Chatted occasionally after that. He went away and now he is back. I really like him but we talk with the unease of people who slept together too soon. We dance around each other with uncertainty.

Life is far from boring at times.

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