* jazzyhands *

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::21.5.04:: Playing the ponies

The dining room at the pub was full so we sat in the main bar watching the races. The newfangled TAB machine was so much more user-friendly than the grumbly old bastard behind the bar. After a few races I felt like I should have been smoking Craven A's with a pair of cats-eye glasses hanging on a chain around my neck.

Started with $5.00, left with $6.20.

#

Comments:

I give this 7-10.

From me, that's an enormous score. Be delighted.

# posted by R.H. : 6:17 am

Lord Robert says:

I've changed my mind: 8-10. It's very good.

(Well!!!)

# posted by Anonymous : 2:15 am

9 out of ten. My final offer!

(You're very readable, but relax. Don't try too hard. And don't write sleaze; any fool can, and many do.)

# posted by R.H. : 9:37 am

It's short, but says a lot; that's what I think. And it's nicely balanced. Although the last sentence is a bit too long: a bit awkward. But there's not much you can do about it. Except to delete "hanging".

Keep at it. Your writing is entertaining, especially your disappointments with all those men you keep meeting.

# posted by R.H. : 10:33 pm