* jazzyhands *

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::22.7.04:: Oops

The other day at work I went downstairs for my usual morning tea cigarette break taking my wallet and, of course, my cigarettes.  On the way back to work I needed to go to the toilet.  Now the toilets I usually use at work are the creme de la creme of office toilets.  Seriously, it would be worth working there for the toilets alone.  The upstairs toilets are like individual ensuites - each a seperate room, ensuring a civilised level of privacy, with a ledge containing the funky, square hand basins along one wall.  The only decorator sin being the full wall of the mirror.  There is no reason I can imagine that you would ever want to see yourself whilst using the toilet.

Anyway, in my pressing need, I decided to use the more pedestrian downstairs toilets.  These are your garden variety row of flimsy cubicles. 

I walked into the cubicle and realised there was nowhere convenient to sit my wallet and cigs so  I balanced them precariously on sloping lid of the sanitary disposal bin thingie, next to the toilet.  That was fine and dandy until I stood up.

I heard the plop and the splash.  Without hestitation I plunged my hand into the bowl to rescue the cigarettes.  Being an optimistic kind of person I hoped that the plastic wrapper around the packet, combined with my ninja-like reflexes had enabled me to save them in time.  But no, they were saturated.

I did think about drying them out but, you know, that wasn't just water

I will be honest and say that even then I thought about it for a millisecond.  Hey, do you have any idea how much cigarettes cost nowadays?  And it was almost a full packet. 



hey, i would have thought about it for more than a millisecond - remember the three-second rule? and either way, flame kills all manner of germs. you could have dried them out and kept them as a last ditch alternative for those forraging-through-the-ashtray-for-vaguely-smokable-butts moments...
uh... nope. i thought i could keep going, but i've just grossed myself out. excuse me, i have to go brush my teeth now.



I did actually have second thoughts when a friend told me that there are probably people with a fetish for urine-soaked cigarettes and maybe I could have sold them for big bucks on ebay.



hey it was your urine... you could have just bought some of that antibacterial spray and you would have been fine!
and i have heard that fresh urine is much safer and hygienic than you would think...



Actually, now you mention it, the urine was probably MUCH safer than most of the other stuff in the cigarettes. I mean what's a little urine compared to nicotine and tar and arsenic and all those other yummy things.




That'll teach ya for using the scungy loos!

Today when I went to the single loo just outside the library, the door was unlocked and I barged in on a woman sitting on the loo! How embarrassing...



Once, a friend I was staying with was so desperate for a late-night cigarette that he gathered up all his old butts from the ashtray, pulled out the left-over tobacco bits and used it to make a whole one.

Perhaps that only sounds disgusting to a non-smoker...



Breaking open butts to roll a smoke is nothing new. The old rooming house crowd in St kilda did it all the time.


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