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Kathryn Needs To Try Harder
How many times was that written on my school report? Say 13 years of school times three reports a year. Then there is all those work reports after that.
And the thing that really, really sucks is that maybe I can't try harder. Maybe I lack the ability to try harder. Maybe trying harder isn't limitless but we all have a finite amount of trying that we are capable of, and maybe, just maybe the amount of trying that I am capable of is just really, really small. Did anyone ever think of that?
No, I didn't think so.
Do teachers send home reports that say "Little Susie would do well if only she was smarter"? No. Because people recognise that everyone's mental capabilities are different, everyone has a limit to their smartness. So why don't they recognise that everyone has limit to their trying abilities?
I just have low levels of motivation and a very short attention span. Maybe I can only concentrate say 10 minutes or 15 minutes of every hour while some people can concentrate say 30 or 40 minutes. That doesn't mean that I am purposely not trying as hard as them, it means that I only have a 10 minute attention span - get it?
It's like say you measure smarts on a scale of 1 to 10 and trying ability on a scale of 1 to 10. If you get 10/10 on both then you are like a genius and if you get 1/10 on both then you are a moron. Then you get those people who are like around 4/10 on smarts but 8/10 on trying. I like to call them "girlyswots". Everyone loves them. Then you get people like me - say 7/10 (modestly) for smarts and 3/10 or so for trying. You just cop all the shit. You are disruptive at school and unmotivated at work. It sucks.
It's like even if I want to try, if I want something more than anything else in the whole world, so I gear myself up but half way through it just doesn't matter any more and I am off somewhere else.
And by the way, I think my lack of trying ability can, in some measure, be blamed on all those teachers who gave you some nasty, horrible work to do when you finished before everybody else in the class. What was that about? That is really encouraging and being helpful. Any impulse toward trying that I had within me was crushed out surer than ice in a blender in frozen margarita season.