People Don't You Understand...
You know, I like to think of myself as a coolly evolved person who doesn't measure my personal worth in terms of material possessions, and most of the time it's true. But lately I've been noticing the world falling into two distinct groups of haves and have-nots and my need is becoming insatiable. It's obsessive, it's too strong for me to fight, it's consumes my life... it's
the ipod of the tiger!
Ipods make you instantly about 38% cooler. I have proof. See normally when I go to the gym and I am labouring away on the treadmill and some thin, blonde chick gets on the treadmill beside me, I feel like a blubbery lump of shabbiness BUT when I borrow Andrew's ipod I stride proudly on that mill o'tread giving withering glances to their far inferior crapolo diskman. Diskmans, phht, how 90's!
It is like every frigging 12 year old kid has one and I don't. Is that fair? Think on this:
teenage's life = playing nintendo, eating snack foods, annoying parents, tagging trains
kathryn's life = work, drudgery, paying excessive taxes, having no nice things
Yeah, ask yourself who deserves an ipod more?
and the world turns, and an ipod-less girl with a runny nose plays in the street as the cold wind blows...
These are the people who get my money at the end of a week of intensive labour:
- the government (mostly to redistribute it as 'yoof' allowance so the kiddies can buy ipods)
- Facist Pig-Doggery Real Estate
- Brutal and Violent Debt Collection Service
- Andrew (who has an ipod and I don't)
and then the government drops by and takes what's left.
Do you see the word "Apple" on that list?
... and her hunger burns, so she starts to roam the streets at night and she learns how to steal and she learns how to fight...
Just before my sister got her new job, in a haze of new-highly-paying-job-excitement she promised Ipod minis all round for Christmas. Now reality has set in and she's reneged on the Ipod promise. You have to wonder what kind of hard heart bitch dangles an Ipod in front of a person then cruelly snatches it away, leaving them crushed and lifeless and dead inside.
...then one night in desperation the young girl breaks away, she buys a gun and she steals a car, tries to run but she don't git far...
I don't think I've had this much longing for a thing since I was in High School. Well ok, maybe for my Lomo a couple of years ago (which is now sitting on the shelf gathering dust, but things would be different with my ipod).
...a crowd gathers an angry young girl face down in the street with a gun in her hand...
Maybe I should try blegging for an ipod... would you donate to the cause if I did? Have I touched your heart and loosened your purse strings with my 'umble words (and maybe a few appropriated from the King himself)? Maybe, but in the meantime, before I go vote today I'm going to reread the candidate's policies. There must be a mention of Ipods in there somewhere.
On a cold and grey Melbourne morn...