* jazzyhands *

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::17.11.04:: Whatever-sexual

Over on Will Type for Food, Tim poses an interesting question:

Why do there have to be so many fag hags and so few dag hags in the world? It's one of life's little ironies that, while women like hanging out with gay guys, it's the straight guys that want to hang out with women.

So I've blog-jacked the topic to give my view on it. But firstly, a disclaimer - this discussion is based on gross generalisations and blatant stereotypes. I'm not claiming ALL gay men are suave and well dressed - take my friend T, for example, (please, take my friend T). He is a slob who rabbits on incessantly about shit he's seen on documentaries and obscure '80s bands. I don't even know why I'm friends with him. Oh yeah, he knows where the bodies are buried (not literally - our criminal offences don't include murder and anyway the statute of limitations has run out on most of them).

Anyhow, enough of that and back to my justification of fag-haggery.

For starters, I'd like to dispute the point that straight guys want to hang out with women. Let's call a spade, a spade; let's put it on the line; let's tell it like it is. Straight men want to root women. They want to hang out with their mates, their footy team, their power tools (of the non-fun kind) and their X-boxes.

Now I'd like to present some scenarios for your consideration.

Scenario 1 Straight girl wants to go shoe shopping.

Straight boy: "What the hell are you on about woman? Don't you know that Grand Theft Auto San Andreas just came out? Make one of your friends go with you and get me a beer on the way out the door."

Some foolish SBs might follow this with the suggestion that SG has too many shoes already. Guys who say this can later be heard complaining that they no longer get sex. Hey, if we don't need more shoes, you don't need more sex.

Gay Boy: "Shoe shopping, fab-u-lous. I know where they're having a great sale. Then we can get whole new outfits to go with them and stop off for a champers or two... grab the credit cards, sister."

Scenario 2 - SG asks if outfit makes her bum look big.

SB: makes wierd gurgling sound and looks like a rabid deer caught in the headlights. "ahhhhhh....yes.....no... maybe... shut up and get me a beer."

GB: "As if anything could make your bum look big! But that little black skirt you bought is soooo much cuter."

Scenario 3 - Sitting in a cafe while a mammary-enhanced blonde walks past.

SB: "Did you see the tits on her? What a hottie! Oh, did you say something?"

BG: "Oh my god, those tits are so fake and that lipstick looks awful on her. I bet she wishes she had your legs instead of those stumby ones."

In fact, there is only one reason why SGs have anything to do with SBs:

Scenario 4 - SB/GB feeling horny:

GB: See ya later,doll. I've got to meet someone urgently. No, I'm not off to Porter St, Steamworks, local sauna of your choice.

SB: Hey honey, you look great. Have you done something with your hair? And are they new shoes?



Heh. You can blog-jack me off any day...

Sorry. Couldn't help myself there...

It's slightly off-topic, but this post reminds me of that story doing the rounds in email, about the guy who puts the moves on his wife, and is told, "You're not meeting my emotional needs as a woman!"

Turns out, next day they're doing the shopping and she asks for his credit card to buy some shoes.
"Oh no!" he says. "You're not meeting my financial needs as a man!"



Biggest stereotyped post ever. I love it.

I read that as 'blog jack-off-on me anyday'. I love it.



Tim can blog-jack-off-on-me anyday. Oh my, I'm starting to feel like I'm in a Carry On movie.



Ah, so true.

And what would the Metrosexual Bloke say?
"Yeah, ok, we can go shopping for shoes, as long as we get me a new range of Nikes as well."



Is Camp behaviour transformed aggression? I don't know. But it's lively.


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