Blah blah blah.
I haven't worked for the past week and I have no work confirmed until the 10th January. No work = no pay and that is a very scary thing, my friends.
I feel like I've fallen into some kind of black hole and I can't get out. For the past month or so when I was working, the work was so intermittent that I had no savings, nothing to fall back on. Now my rent is overdue and I have no idea how I'm going to pay it, let alone pay other bills. And by the time I get it paid the next rent will be due.
Damn Christmas. Damn it all.
You would think I could at least use this time productively, to get the house cleaned and to write. To do all things that I neglect when I'm working. But it doesn't seem to happen that way. Instead I'm too distraught to concentrate on anything.
Every morning the phone rings and wakes me up. I rush to answer it, thinking it will be my agency calling me into work. But it never is.
I think I'll go register for the dole today. I don't know if they will give it to me but there is no harm in trying. Surely there is something that someone can do.
Meanwhile my friends are all acting weird. When they talk to me, it's to tell me about their plans for overseas holidays or the new house they have bought. I try to act happy for them but it's really hard, you know.
Have you ever felt like you are living in a glass box, like a box that is one way glass and soundproofed? You can see everything going on around you and you are banging on the glass but no one can see or hear you. Until you start to think that there is no point in banging any more. You may as well give up.
Good, I'm full of cheery spirits today, aren't I?