* jazzyhands *

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::26.5.05:: Crud

Today I thought I'd try a variation on the whole "my life is shit" thing. Today my life is crud. You know, crud. Like that stuff that isn't' big enough or worth enough to actually hate. It just exists and you'd rather it didn't. That's my life, folks.

So what's going on:

I live in a house full of people who are rooting and I aint' getting none. Don't tell that's fair. I hate them all. I hope their private parts shrivel. At times I think it is a race in life between my next shag and death... and death is kicking arse.

My job is blah. I don't hate my job (for a change). I'm in a routine - get up, go to work... blah blah blah. I do get to have lunch with a spunky man occasionally though. But, and this is a big but, bigger than the butt on this chick we used to know who looked like she was wearing one of those hustles under her clothes. She was like one of those rap guys girlfriends... The but is this - I get paid monthly. So over the past 6 weeks I've only had 2 weeks pay to live on.

That means I have no telly, no computer, no internet. You remember when JK Rowling hit the spotlight as an writing megastar and there was the whole thing about her writing HP at the kitchen table as a struggling single parent? Yeah well I have to go to internet cafes. How good is that going to look in the bio? I will have the public by the heartstrings for sure. I mean, sob sob, kitchen table. You can smoke at the kitchen table. You can't at a net cafe. Net cafes suck. They have dodgy keyboards.

Hey, remember how they had that law where you couldn't overtake a tram when it's stopped in case you like, run down people and killed them? What happened to that?

Anyway, back to the no telly shite. I finally get to watch some tv at my friend's place and it was Big Brother uncut. Some ugly inbred dude talking about his sex life (which more than likely involved the pigs on the farm) and showing his big, white, flabby thighs. Imagine if some chick was sitting around the BB house showing her flabby thighs. It would be a national uproar. TV.. who needs it?

So that's my life. Nothing thrilling, just crud.



But at least you have a steady job - hence no major financial worries - and every dry spell has it's end. I've been there...after 18 months of no nooky I was seriously considering paying for sex.



18 months... pah! the last time i remember having sex was 18 years ago .. and that's only because it came with a souvenir.

paying for sex? that could work.



Hey, at least your life isn't a crud as the guy who screws pigs and has to go on Big Brother to try and have a life


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