* jazzyhands *

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::3.6.05:: Other Things

Do you ever think that if you didn't have tv and the net sucking up all your time you'd have so much more time for Other Things? All those dreams you could achieve? Worthy and meaningful things?

Yeah, you think, man, I should ditch the telly, unplug the net and get into the real world and things, Other Things. Without net/telly I'd have hours aday for working on my life.

But all those Other Things you dream of doing - like writing a novel or reading a novel or going to the gym or learning to knit or helping the elderly - they are just feeble pipe dreams - they don't exist. (I could get all preachy and let you know that if you wanted to do them, you'd do them regardless of telly or net or life itself. You'd miss Big Brother to write, leave your email to rot for an hour while you worked out, maybe even skip the 100th repeat of the Monorail episode of the Simpsons, but you don't, do you?)

These plug in resources are your only friends, your only solace. They aren't distractions from your life, they are your life. So face up to it, you weakling. Instead of disparaging your need for electronic entertainment, embrace it. Hold it tight for all it's worth. Make love to it but never cum in it's mouth or creep out in the cold light of morning.

For one day, my friends, you might be like me and have all your techno-crutches torn away, like a foetus from your womb (or rather, you are the foetus and the toys your nice warm uterual home). You might be aborted into the harsh world of "your own devices" and you will learn the hard way.

After living 6 weeks with no net and no telly, I'll let you in on a secret... there are NO Other Things. There is a wall to stare at and there is a phone that doesn't ring. The outside world is as cold and sterile as the bucket into which they drop that aborted foetus. It is as empty and as stark.

Tomorrow, I get paid. Tomorrow I get a computer and a telly and all the happiness money can buy... until I run out that is. Tomorrow I am like the foetus that crawls out of the bucket and slides along the operating room floor. Slowly but determinedly, I will snuggle myself back into the womb from which I was harshly thrust. Tomorrow I will plug back in.

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