* jazzyhands *

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::20.7.06:: Addictions

If you're a smoker, you'll have seen the new government initiative on cigarette packets - diseased body parts are the most common, but then there's the girl in the call centre (ie. smoking and that's where you'll end up) and my fave - the graph. The graph shows death statistics - smoking = 1 zillion deaths, murder a mere 2oo or so.

Low down on the lists is illegal drugs. I analysed this closely and realised the subtext our government is getting at here. They actually want us to quit smoking and take up more exciting addictions. Good ole government, they are all - cigarettes, you pussy. Get some decent class A narcotics into ya.

But you can't just take up illegal drugs willy-nilly, so I've worked out the pros and cons. I think this is a valuable resource for the kiddies. After all, most drug information isn't that handy. It's all like if you take drugs, you have fun but you die. Hello, what's the alternative? It's not like you *don't* die if you don't take drugs. I mean we are all grown ups. We know everything and everyone dies eventually - Rover didn't really go to the farm. Here is my honest look at your drug options:

Pot

Pros:

-relatively cheap
-can buy it at the 7 eleven (well in the car park anyways)
-organic
-you are still smoking

Cons:
-listening to Bob Marley
-wearing stupid beanies and calling everyone "man"
-paranoid delusions
-having to learn to roll joints
-having to hang around with annoying potheads

Acid:
Pros:
-seeing pretty lights and music
-cheap as chips
-amusing

Cons:
-being thought a fucktard when telling people about the pretty lights and music
-pretty lights and music turning into evil stuff like Satan or Angela Bishop
-having to hang out with annoying acidheads

Cocaine:

Pros:
-thinking you are entertaining and attractive
-makes boring people tolerable
-weight loss

Cons:
-expensive
-delusions about being entertaining and attractive
-needing complete nasal passage reconstruction

Ecstacy:

Pros:
-feelings of happiness and gooey goodwill
-makes sex better
-makes dance music tolerable

Cons:
-isn't as good as it used to be so you sound like an old fart telling people 'you think these are good E's?...'
-makes fluffy legwarmers look like a smart fashion choice
-makes dance music tolerable
-loving your fellow man
-having to hang out with ravers

Smack:

Pros:
-able to multitask by scoring on tram to work (this works best if you catch the No 86 tram)

Cons:
-despite images of attractive junkie rockstars (eg. Kurt Cobain) with good teeth (eg. Kurt Cobain before he blew his head off), most junkies are hideously ugly with scabby skin and sores and stringy, greasy hair
-loss of fashion sense (remember kiddies: death may be inevitable, but parasilk isn't - say no to smack)
-needles - ick!
-having to steal cars and break into houses
-having to hang out with smackies with scabby skin and greasy hair

And there you have it. In summary, cocaine is the clear winner - at least it makes your druggie mates easier to handle. See ya later, I'm going out for a coco now.

    Comments:

     

    Say hello to Charlie for me!!

    Love your work!

     

     

    Was tracking you back to say thx for gmpas instructions - I finally got it! Had tried double clicking but was too impatient and didn't wait for it to 'click in'.

    Glad I found this blog - just about crapped myself laughing at 'angela bishop' - she is evil!

    Would love to see some more posts in this area, what a cack!

    Hayley

     

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